Friday, December 4, 2009

Republcians See RHG Birth As "Game Changer" in Health Care Fight

New York, NY (AP)-

Two Leading Republicans have hailed the birth of Robert Harold Gerstein, which occurred earlier this week, as giving their party a significant edge in the health care debate before the U.S. Senate.

Senate Minority Leader John Boehner praised the event as a "game changer".

"I don't see how you can look at the outstanding health care he received and not conclude how ludicrous and unnecessary this proposed legislation is. Bobby Gerstein's birth clearly proves, once and for all, that privately funded health insurance is alive, well and working for the majority of Americans."

The birth also attracted applause from former Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. "If private health care is good enough for socialist countries like New York," said Palin "it should be good enough for America."

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid warned his Republican Senate colleagues to temper their optimism, however. "I have it on good authority that Bobby strongly supports this bill," stated Reid. "He wants this legislation because he knows how critical it is for America's future, and we are going to pass it for him."

General Stanley McChrystal, Commander of all U.S. forces in Afghanistan, welcomed Gerstein's birth for reasons unrelated to the healthcare debate. "He's a great little ranger, and I can't wait to serve alongside him in my Army, " said McChrystal.

U.N. Secretary General Hails RHG Birth

New York NY (AP)--In a brief press conference this morning, United Nations Secretary-General Ban Kai-moon offered congratulations to Theresa and Ephraim Gerstein on the birth of their son, Robert Harold Gerstein. The Secretary-General hailed the birth as a "stupendous event."

"We expect great things from Bobby, " declared the Secretary General, "the whole world is watching, and will continue watching. This is change we can count on!"

Gerstein was born on December 1, 2009 at 11:35 pm, at New York Presbyterian Hospital, in New York City.